This weekend was very trying on me. Saturday evening I took part in a Novembering service at Church of the Open Door. It was beautiful, every part…we lit candles, sang beautiful songs, remembered those who we have lost & grieved with each other as we sat & wept. Maybe not everyone wept, but I sure did. I slept deep that night & woke up crying. Not a hard cry, but just a solemn finality of life cry. Sunday morning I listened as my dad preached on suffering & hope. I did not want to hear about hope…don’t get me wrong, that’s the ONLY thing getting me through each day, but I didn’t want to hear it. I cried the ENTIRE service…from the first songs through the last prayer & beyond. I just would not hold myself back, which I know I should not do, but wow did I hurt. Now, as I write this, my eyes are refilling themselves with tears.
There are many reasons why I write to you my thoughts, emotions, feelings & frustrations. I want to be honest. I desire to share, yet am sometimes unwilling to vocalize. I yearn to heal. I need encouragement. I remind myself that “yes, there are things to hope for & people who care.” I pray that through my honesty & openness that you are able to be encouraged.
This morning, I was encouraged. An email I received referenced a verse I have never read (or at least didn’t remember). While the truth is something I hold onto with white knuckles, sometimes I forget. The verse was Malachi 3:6a, “I the LORD do not change.” Such confidence I can have here, and so can you…. It is interesting. The title “lord” means (in my terms) ruler over my life and death. And so I see that amidst the changes of both life and death, our LORD does not change. He is the same yesterday, today & forever.
My prayer for you & for me, is that together, while we seek out what our futures look like, and how our pasts influence how we grow into our future, that we would bind together as friends, brothers, sisters, encouragers, rejoicers & mourners….that we would come along side each other in prayer & support as we approach God in our weakness. In our brokenness, that we would share with each other realizing our inability as humans to recover from this alone. To see that God has given us each other to lean on while we are walking this earth together.
Here’s a song that touched me this weekend. It’s called “I will Rise” by Chris Tomlin.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yvfso4Q8xg