It’s unexplainable, and indescribable what my hollow body feels right now. In the last few days, hours & moments, there is a need I have to repeatedly put my hand over my heart, to remind myself that I am alive. My heart that is feeling so much is yet completely numb and stilled with life.
What more can I say when my mother, my beloved mother who was and is my world, has disappeared before my eyes? My heart beats to a song that no longer plays. In almost every memory I recalled this weekend, her influence or presence was in each one….and I did not want to share those memories…I almost wished that I had memories that were apart from her…and yet there are none. We did everything together, and if we were not together we shared everything with each other. This constant communication will be the hardest to get used to. Unexplainably, the last few mornings, as I awake from an unrestful rest, my arms are wrapped tight around my soul, and it feels as though someone else is holding me…like my mother, from somewhere, is holding me and comforting me as I awake to the bitterly silent home.
Although I feel I want to write everything I’m thinking out now….I will withhold some, and will be continuing this walk with grief once again. If you are reading this, and have memories of my mother, I would love to hear them. Please write.