I think something has changed. Temporarily? It’s possible. But changed? Definitely. A friend asked me very cautiously, if since my mother’s death I looked at dying differently. To that I had an emphatic response of “yes…I’m not afraid of it at all.” I realize that as a believer, there’s no reason to fear death, but sometimes it’s not death you fear, but the unknown that surrounds it. The unanswerable questions that after the fact won’t matter anyway.
I remember that when my friend Julie passed away, I was soon after on a trip to Mexico. There we visited Copper Canyon in Chihuahua. There was one cliff that we saw, that had a large rock at the very tip. My friends discovered that the rock–rocked. You could stand on the rock & it would sway on the tip of the cliff. I wanted a picture out there, but decided I wasn’t brave enough to stand on the edge, so I stayed on the “sturdy” rock in front. Immediately after they took my picture though, I changed my mind & decided I couldn’t be that close & not stand at the edge. I quickly turned around, walked right out onto the rock & posed for a picture. Yes, I was probably about 200+ feet above the bottom of the canyon, with not much below me…not ANYTHING below me…but I realized that death didn’t frighten me. Why not live life & be a little daring?
This is not nearly as near to the story I just told, but last night as I drove away from my home, I spied a beautiful antique settee on the curb. I wondered, pondered & decided to drive on. Then I had a little twinge…why not turn around & see. I turned a right and went around the block, pulled up in front of a quaint little house, walked up to the door & knocked. After a few minutes of curious knocking, a girl my age welcomed me with a big smile. I asked about the couch & she vibrantly answered “You like it? It’s yours. Think it’ll fit in your car?” Huh. See how easy that I was I thought? What did that hurt to ask?
That part of me …that is sometimes timid & nervous, is changing. I’m growing bolder, braver….little by little. It’s a good change, a welcomed change. I’m finding joy in this, and can’t wait to see what else awaits!
One thought on “A little shift.”
You're growing, and it's lovely to watch from here. Bless you in the new things you're finding out about yourself.