Not what it seems….

“How am I going to be able to grow up without a mom to tell secrets to?” ….this is just one of many quotes that have made me tear up today…. I’ve been put in a lot of tough situations recently, that are forcing me to make decisions that right now I feel I cannot make.  It’s like life is asking me to become a new person, one that I don’t know about, and one that I don’t necessarily want to be.  I guess it’s all part of growing up, but wow…growing pains have never burned so much.

To a large degree, our family & friends that we have relationships with make up a large part of our identity.  When we lose them, we lose a part of our identity too….I’ve recently heard this termed like an amputation of the familiar self.  Who we were with them, is not going to be who we are without them. It’s like….a normal life loss of something like…adolescence, or a job, or moving away…the loss is like a broken arm that takes a while to heal and the pain real but it will eventually heal.  However, catastrophic loss….death of a parent, sibling, friend, child, whoever…is like an amputation…not just a broken arm.  It will never come back or be completely healed, and you’ll always have phantom feelings of the limb that once was there but no longer remains.

I guess this is all part of growing up and growing into who I will be…though it feels different than I thought it would.  You never imagine these things to come, and you’d never imagine the consequences that would follow…everyone is different and we’re all trying to become a new different together, yet still individually.  Some people make choices for themselves that affect just them, and other make choices that lead to more and more choices for other people.  It’s all very difficult, and hard…..

Wishing that I had some verses right now to write about, but I’m too empty to seek them out today.  If you’re reading this…what are some verses that have helped you grow into who you are today?  I’m curious…..because I just feel like I have no idea where my life is going, and it’s hard to really go day to day when you don’t have a direction. 🙂

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