Someplace to Run to

You know, some days, I just wish that I had someplace to run to.  A destination of sorts, that would protect me from all the bad in the world. From all the disappointment, pain and heartache. In the past, there were these cities of refuge….they were mainly for murderers seeking ….refuge…duh. However…I wish that there were those today. Where only good things happened, you know?

It would be like….the ideal world in “Where the Wild Things Are”…where only what you want to have happen, happens.  I know it sounds crazy, but it would be nice, wouldn’t it? If you could escape for a time to just not worry about anything or anyone?

Hm.  I have to remind myself that God is like our “city of refuge”…..with the ability to let us just rest and be comforted. He brings us peace.  Someone guilty, that wanted refuge, had to put forth effort to get to the city of refuge…..and in some ways we have to take that step to seek comfort in Christ but…He also knows when we are hurting and can come to us  in that pain.  “I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Psalm 40:1-2)

It is so difficult to keep standing…..when so many things feel like their crashing around you.  Sickness, disappointment, doors closing, etc.  It’s difficult to keep running this race….I just need to remind myself that I can. And when I get to a place where I can’t, then Christ himself will take over.

I just wish some days that he’d be quicker about that!

Being held

I haven’t always felt it, but I’m starting to today. Plates are falling…the one’s I’ve been trying to balance, and it’s making me quite nervous & irritated. The loud commotion that I can’t quite seem to calm, stirs my insides in a way that can’t be silenced. But today, I was given a gift of being held. In prayer, in though & in loving touch.

Something I’ve noticed this year, is how much touch is a form of love for me. Just having someone put their hand on my shoulder, or to bump knees with someone, or to just be held in a longer than normal embrace. It does something to that back & forth feeling within me, that I can’t quite explain. Today, someone reminded me of us resting in God’s hand…with His touch, holding us. Gently. Tenderly. Firmly. Not letting go. I loved that. Some days I just wish that someone would just come along & hold me. I can’t always ask for it, I just want it to happen. And today, I remembered that when I don’t get that in human form, I’ll always get it and AM having that from my heavenly Father.

He’s holding me, giving me a kind of rest that is not human, that is not the same as sleep, but more closely resembles peace within my soul. A gentle caressing of the spirit that will settle my deep restlessness. To rest, open & unafraid in His large hands is beautiful. A song I played this week gave me this peace too…

I am tired and weary, but I must toil on
Till the Lord comes to call me away,
Where the morning is bright and the Lamb is the light,
And the night is as fair as the day.

There’ll be peace in the valley for me someway,
There’ll be peace in the valley for me.
I pray no more sorrow and sadness or trouble will be,
There’ll be peace in the valley for me.

There the flow’rs will be blooming,
the grass will be green,
And the skies will be clear and serene,
The sun ever shines, giving one endless beam
And no clouds there will ever be seen.

There the bear will be gentle, the wolf will be tame,
And the lion will lay down by the lamb,
The host from the wild will be lead by a Child,
I’ll be changed from the creature I am.

No headaches or heartaches or misunderstands,
No confusion or troubles won’t be
No frowns to defile, just a big endless smile
There’ll be peace and contentment for me.

There’ll be peace in the valley for me someway,
There’ll be peace in the valley for me.
I pray no more sorrow and sadness or trouble will be,
There’ll be peace in the valley for me. —Thomas Dorsey, “Peace in the Valley”

Wind

This morning, I awoke to a tatting on my window, in the darkness it was a sharp reminder that the world continued to spin while I came in & out of sleep tangled with dreams. Stepping outside I stopped to savor the strong wind that circled around me, twirling my hair around itself & my chilled face. The wind, powerful & cold…refreshing & inviting. I stood there with my eyes closed, allowing the gusts to surround me, holding me tight, like a welcomed friend in the morning.

I don’t know what it was about the wind this morning, something about the power & the brisk feeling that told me I was loved & that this next year would be different. The cold was not bitter, but an awakening that things will change & be renewed. It was an air that took my breath away in beauty & awe of the power that causes the wind…I was struck that yes, we are still here but that I am changing, just like the wind. God has put me in strong winds for a reason, to bring out his glory in my life…where the winds will blow I do not know, yet blow they must.

As I walked across the mostly barren lot towards a warm building, I waited, feeling once again the wind on my face, this time feeling it blow my hair back, away from my face & covering me with warmth that only a chill air can. Fresh air. Blunt awareness of the change coming. Clear skies that open to hope.

A life of Revelations

Recently, I felt a little guilty that I was gone for a week in a gorgeous country, with warm people & a very adventurous Mom, but had not had some “great revelation” about God or my relationship with Him. It was like…..why not? I should have at least heard SOMEthing, right? And to be honest, very little of my time was searching for a significant meaning or divine inspiration while enjoying the breathtaking beauty. This doubt & questioning in my mind was something I talked with my dad about, and as we spoke, it kinda nudged both of us that maybe God was simply allowing me to have a week of pure enjoyment & happiness. No deep thoughts to ponder, no hard truths to bear, no complex theologies to learn…just simply BE and enjoy. Simmer in the warmth of the country, soak up the dew filled air, stand up & feel the strong easterly wind blow across your face. Hear the goodness of nothing….no loud cars around, not many jabbering people, no looming buildings to hinder the view. Just BE. Enjoy the time with your mom, enjoy the time alone, enjoy the adventure of going into unadvertised locations to explore small rooms once in use for monks & kings alike. Laugh at the simplicity of life, and the castles you can see from a back door, or in a pasture. Be in awe of the vast space, left open for the imagination & unhindered beauty. Gaze down the cliffs to the crashing waves below & feel the spray of them on your face. Don’t do anything….don’t think anything….don’t try to analyze anything….just BE. Just enjoy. And don’t think of “just” being the same as the second or lesser option, but the first and most important choice…to JUST …..

In the Quiet Moments, He is There

Life giving has come to me through the quiet moments I’m able to enjoy God’s creation–alone, yet not by myself. Christ meets me there to speak to me, call me, comfort me & hold me. His joy is ever present–in the breeze, the warm sun, the wet rain, the color of the leaves, the stillness of the afternoon. Those moments He captures your undivided attention to remind you that He is. That He’s been there all along–He sees you and knows you, loves you and rejoices over you.God is digging in my heart, finding the pain, frustration and sadness that is longing to be healed. “Soon,” He says “soon you will be free.” But when? Can I take my pain away? “No, but you can give it over, into the Hands that take hold of your life. The Ones that molded you, formed you & direct you. You’ll make it someday! Just trust in Me–I’ll take you down the road. I’ll show you where to go.” I don’t know how long it’ll take, but with God I’ll make it.

“Til Kingdom Come”
(Video) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jSisMP2_F4
Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I’ve never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don’t know which way I’m going,
I don’t know which way I’ve come.

Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I’ve waited all these years.

For you, I’d wait ’til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you’ll come, and set me free,
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
“I wouldn’t change a single thing.”

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don’t know which way I’m going,
I don’t know what I’ve become.

For you, I’d wait ’til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you’ll come and set me free,
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me.
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me.
Just say you’ll wait, you’ll wait for me.—Coldplay