Category: Christian Life

Never stop waiting for God

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Well how do I begin to tell you just how amazed I am each day that I am alive, at the miraculous & strange ways in which our God works?  Most days it’s mundane, some days slightly boring. But occasionally, and more often than I would admit to enjoy, I get an unusual & exciting adventure.  The last few days has been an occasion of that sort.

In the middle of a weekend night, I was startled with a call that my home had been broken into. Despite my prayers, my computer & external hard drives were stolen.  To some, this would merely mean a few lost papers, maybe some pictures or your running music.  To me….it was all the photos from my travels, the family pictures of my now lost mother, the memories of clients’ babies & vows. The horror devastated me.  It was ironic in the ways that I had been telling people how my neighborhood was “just fine,” and how I had just read about how in David’s painful or frightened waiting he found ways to praise God.

I sat stunned, lost, robbed & unsure of the future. The Lord reminded me to trust Him & not in the things I had lost. It was an understood message, one I “knew” but didn’t enjoy knowing.  But still, the praise was needed to Him…..so I thanked Him for keeping Lisa & I away from home that night because we were SAFE, I thanked Him for clean robbers because our home wasn’t TRASHED, I thanked Him for grace because my clients were FORGIVING. All these things to be thankful for. Yes, I was angry at what had been done, but thankful for God’s protection….I still had a home to sleep in.

My friends at church prayed for me. I’m sure many people did. For protection still, and also that something would turn up. Monday was the worst. It hit me that I would never see those photos again, that someone had been in my house, taken valuables from me, probably sold them, had probably watched me for a while & might be back. The Bible study I’m in helped to take away those thoughts that evening though…..through prayer & some late night fellowship I celebrated the people who surrounded me & the God who provided them.

Monday evening, my brother came back to my house so I did not have to be alone. He let me log-in online with his computer (since mine obviously was “out of service”). Trying to get online I realized that the thieves had also stolen my router. Dumb. I figured it out though, and went to Facebook to update some folks.  Right away, I saw that I had a friend request & an email from the same person who was unknown to me.  Opening the email, my disbelief was stretched.  A man told me that he had purchased a computer that weekend, and after he opened it up & looked around, he noticed that the “brand new” computer he bought was really some one else’s….mine. He had found my computer! But the best was yet to come–he wanted to GIVE IT BACK!

Wait….what? Give it back? No questions asked?  He said he understood what it felt like to have things taken, and that he wanted me to have it back.  Tonight….I sit here, writing this story, as I sit in front of my previously stolen computer.

The last few months, the ponderings of what God requires of us….of me….has been on my mind.  And this story cannot hide the fact that this is God’s love lived out in action.  This guy, innocently bought a computer, discovered there was something wrong and gave it back, without expecting anything in return, trusting God that this is what He would require of him. I think this is SUCH an awesome example.  Trusting in God, waiting on Him to provide, to protect, to restore & to renew a hope in His awesome love.

My life never ceases to amaze me….and neither does my God.

Something beautiful

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On the last day in Kauai, we took our little car and drove a long, winding and “hole-y” road to the summit.  While the length of the road was only about twenty miles, it took nearly an hour to reach the destination.  As we neared the end, mist filled our windows & clouded the glass.  We took a short detour to a lookout further inland, which was suggested as a better view than the summit.  Pulling into a small lot there were only a few other cars, mostly other hikers because we were the only people at the spot. 

We walked to the edge of the overlook, to the fence that was the only thing that held us from the depths of a mile-high canyon drop.  It didn’t take until the fence to see the view before us….it captured us as soon as we stepped foot out of the car.  There was a complete covering of fog.  Past the fence was nothing but white. And as the sky was so bright, the air before us and above us melded into one perfectly spotless canvas.  We sat on a table, submitting ourselves to the fact that we would see nothing of the canyon from there.  This canyon we had seen from the air & from the sea, the canyon green with life, vivid with color, proud with height, this canyon we knew was merely feet from where we stood, was hidden fully from our view.

Sitting still on the table, for a few moments neither of us spoke, nor did any cars approach the lot or hikers exclaim.  The only sounds that could be heard were birds echoing their praises & distant calls of the ocean shore, clapping with delight against the cliff walls.  We sat there silent, feeling as though we were just out of reach of heaven….a perfect place of light, just beyond sight.

As I recalled this moment to a friend, she made a comparison to this “non-sight” to that of the lives Christ has for us….how we can be right on the edge of something beautiful, spectacular & breathtaking….and yet sometimes He hides it from us. It’s not the right time for us to see what is there, what is coming next, what colors he’s using, what form he’s making, or where he’ll bring us into. The beauty that he is forming is there…it’s within reach, yet until He blows the clouds away, we cannot see. We can have faith in His will for our future, and that our future is with Him…yet faith is what it takes to grasp that there IS something beyond the fog, behind the clouds, lying still & silent in his hands.  It is waiting to be revealed, but until then, we are to sit, silently and in awe of the beauty of where we are…take in the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the birds & waves, the feel of the wind on our faces, the warmth of the sun beating down through the thickness of clouds. Rest & relax in the quiet knowing that while it is unseen, we know that something beautiful is before us.

Perfectly Imperfect

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I am a recovering perfectionist. This is not entirely true. This is not nearly true. I am only a perfectionist in some areas & in those areas I am perfectly content to stay a perfectionist….I am not in denial. However, though with certain things I can “claim” to be a perfectionist, I know fully that I am not perfect. This may come as somewhat of a shock to most of you, but it’s true that I am not even slightly perfect. Nothing that I have ever done or could hope to do would be considered perfect because who I am, inside & out is full of crud…sin. I was born this way…as were all of us I suppose. It is in our human nature & the only way to emerge from that imperfection is to come under the redeeming blood of Jesus. For it is His perfection that can make our imperfection perfect.

It’s true that no matter what we do, say or think, our being, our human flesh is corrupt….yet I trust that by the God who sent his only son, the one who shed his blood to cover that imperfection, that we can be cleaned & redeemed. It is this redemption that spurs me on to live a more holy life, striving for goodness in Christ & to be ever closer to him. I know I’ll never be able to attain this on my own & so my hope comes from Him that though I am not perfect, His grace has & will forgive me. I do not take this for granted, and hope that through His grace others may come to know Him through my life & other lives, because if God would save us…then He can surely save you. “The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, “Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29)

It is good to know that God is not the same as us, fumbling about in a body that has urges one way or another, good & bad….He is perfectly good. Numbers 23:19 says “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”

“For you know that it was not with perishable things such as silver or gold that you were redeemed from the empty way of life handed down to you from your forefathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, a lamb without blemish or defect. He was chosen before the creation of the world, but was revealed in these last times for your sake.” (1 Peter 1:18-20)

And the imperfection in us & in the world that causes us pain…..it is only temporary….and what’s more, is that in humbling ourselves to the power of His grace, we are covered by the power of The One who has already humbled himself as a lamb being led to slaughter, and through his grace He will reign forever and will take away that pain of imperfection….Revelation 7:17 “For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.”

Knocking on doors

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Someone this past week, was talking about opportunities in life, and said how we shouldn’t always be looking for another new thing or a better thing because we need to just be content and happy with what we’ve been given. It had a dissonant tone to it when I heard this…and I couldn’t really figure out why, but I think now I know.

Paul says that he is content in all circumstances. Content? He was satisfied with what he had, and did not want anything else? Yes. It’s true, he was content. Through prison, torture, allegations, investigations, hunger, exhaustion, persecution and ridicule. He knew that his satisfaction would never be met on earth, so he was utterly and completely content. And in this sense, I think we should all be this content. We should be content wherever we have been placed, in whatever race we are running, in whatever job, housing situation, social status, whatever. We should be content and know that our being, our self worth and justification will not come from the next best thing, but in the God who directs our paths and that wherever we are He will use to His glory if we allow him in.

However……Paul also says that he continues to press on toward the goal. Well what does that mean? If he is totally content, why is he “looking for more”?  As I said above, I think we should all be content in the circumstances that we find ourselves, yet throughout the Bible there is an example of never finding ourselves “stale,” but always learning, growing, trying, failing and trying again.  In our situation there should be a peaceful contentment, but in our spirit, in our soul, should there ever be a contentment? Shouldn’t we always be searching out what God is speaking to us? Where He is directing us? What opportunities might be shadowed around the corner, just waiting to be revealed by our search?

If I had been completely content, I would have never tried finding another job, I would have never been employed where I am today, would never have met the friends I now have, and would have been “perfectly content.” Yet I would have been missing something (though whether I would know that or not I’ll never really know)….but there’s a whole side of my life that I never would have found. I would have never gone to Mexico and found blessing through small conversations. I never would have had the opportunities to talk about Romania’s orphans to pastors all over the world. None of this would have happened if I had been ….content.

I AM content….every day….some days….but I’m never content to stay the same person that I was the day before. It’s Christ’s life that challenges me to grow, to run toward the prize, to be drawn closer and closer every day toward the Father who has blessed my life. In this sense, I will never be content. I hope I never am content. I hope you can be content in your circumstance,….but never content in your soul. Thoughts?

Purpose

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You know, I’ve been told to grow where you’re planted….find out why God has you wherever you are…just go with it. And I’m trying, I really am. It’s hard though, when some days you yearn for so much more. You see a window opening, and when you try to go through, you find out it’s just REALLY clean glass…it’s not open for you. Sorry. Finding purpose in where you are, is so difficult. Why am I here, and not there. Why is this person my friend instead of someone else? Where can I feel so needed in some place, and such a good fit, and then not be allowed in?

I know that God’s purposes are so much greater & better than any that I could come up with….but greater & better also might suggest that they’re more complicated & intricate, meaning they have more possibilities of being not just GOOD but also DIFFICULT. Interweaving desires, gifts, locations, social community & situations….they all come together in some great purpose that I don’t understand. It probably won’t make sense to me either….until it’s done.

But sometimes, it’s like…you pray for something, and then when that prayer is answered, but not the way you wanted it to be, it’s like DARN! I didn’t want THAT. …like when in NY I prayed for humility….and left in a really bad way, that made me say…. “yep, I don’t always know what’s right.” And now, I’m praying for God to use me….and then get a door shut in one area, and realize that He probably saying… “I want to use you HERE, not THERE.” Sick. It makes me sad, …and I think that’s okay. I can be sad for a bit, as long as I hold on to the understanding that I can’t give up. Now, it just means that I need to renew my focus of trying to bless people in every situation….whether the circumstances are happy or sad. Nothing can be better than what God has for us…yet there are probably some things that would be more fun. Until then…I’ll just keep trusting that I’m here for a purpose….

To wrap up, here’s a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”