Category: Trust

Miracle Worker

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The sky today seems teary eyed…welling up with tears that may never come. My tears are the same some days….they are there, but do not break free from the comfort within my eyes.  Tears can be hot with anger, cold with grief, salty with sadness, or refreshing with joy. ….and the ones that come today are the kind that fill emptiness with gratefulness.

Last week, there was fear….this week God came near. My mom was in the hospital, waiting for another result to come back…and was expecting the now normal response of “it didn’t work….we’ll try again.” Needless to say this is a frustrating & often crushing blow that sets my whole family back into questioning what will be next. The doctors were not pleased, and told my mom this. Why, I don’t know…but they were predicting, and wanted to prepare her for what was inevitable. Anyway, the doctor came into the room last Monday (the morning after 40 of us had prayed & cried out to God for her healing), and said “This is unexplainable….but your blast numbers are down to 3%….this shouldn’t have happened according to your last results…..I don’t understand it. We’ll be sending it back to Mayo to double check.” We all felt that we had witnessed a miracle….3% blasts means she’s technically in remission! And after the double-check, the numbers were proved correct. What a praise!  The prayer now, is that the 3% blasts stays there, and her white blood count will climb to normal levels….join us in this prayer, please!

The week before, there was also an unexplainable incident. Because of the seemingly constant hospital stays that my mom has endured, my dad has also had to endure phone calls from hospitals & such, to pay the overwhelming six-digit bills that keep coming. His responsibility had added up to about $47,000.  He also had received another phone message, telling him to call the hospital about that bill, right away. Well, he started to pray & cry out to God. There is no way that our family will be able to pay this amount, and we need help to make this happen. It’s enough to worry about your mother/wife in the hospital, without having to wonder where the money will come from to keep her in good health. So after an evening of sleeping & praying through his concern, he somewhat hesitatingly called the hospital. When the man answered the phone & confirmed the amount owed, the man then simply stated “Okay, we just took care of that.”

Yep. All $47,000…..done, paid for, wiped off the tab.

All I can say, is that God is definitely a miracle worker. I’ve seen it this week, and I’ve seen it all through my life. The miracles don’t come every time we want them, or when we would expect them….they come in His good timing, in his pleasure, to give us pleasure, and to show us His power & glory. He is Good. Very good. Just thought I’d share.

A Ray of Hope

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This morning, I was on my way to work & the sky looked dreary, almost angry…the clouds were shrouding the sky. The colors were various shades of gray & ….gray. But then as I drove, I noticed a spot, small at first and then I noticed it more and more…this opening amidst the clouds. Clear blue sky shone through. In the middle of this expansive gray mess, was this beautiful section of crystal sky! How gorgeous I thought. Right here is hope that today might actually turn out okay.

I had woken up feeling a little off, as I had a dream that brought up memories I wasn’t prepared to think about. It made me think about the hope that we have in the Lord…that someday, things will be better. I can tell you that recently I’ve felt “good” about where I’m at spiritually, which made me a little cautious because that’s not always a good sign… it was clear to me then, that I had been slipping into a state of “okay-ness,” not really pushing the envelope with my faith or hope. Then I read Psalm 131:3, which says “O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now & forevermore.” It was like….hello….your faith & hope can’t just be one day & not the next. It needs to be always, even when it’s rough outside, or even when you’re facing your past. I was also encouraged by the passage “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD.” (Psalm 31:24) I was encouraged to just keep on.

But where do I look? Apparently the same question was in David’s mind too when he wrote “But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you.” (Psalm 39:7) I thought about the clouds, and how it looked so dead….except for that one spot. I needed to look for that spot, and when I found it, it was bright, clear & promising. I knew there was hope. It wasn’t contingent on me finding it, but was there anyway. It was there waiting. Steady & secure…above all the troubles the clouds were mimicking. On my drive, I prayed something similar to Romans 15:13 where it says “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

So as “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.” (Psalm 130:5)

Purpose

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You know, I’ve been told to grow where you’re planted….find out why God has you wherever you are…just go with it. And I’m trying, I really am. It’s hard though, when some days you yearn for so much more. You see a window opening, and when you try to go through, you find out it’s just REALLY clean glass…it’s not open for you. Sorry. Finding purpose in where you are, is so difficult. Why am I here, and not there. Why is this person my friend instead of someone else? Where can I feel so needed in some place, and such a good fit, and then not be allowed in?

I know that God’s purposes are so much greater & better than any that I could come up with….but greater & better also might suggest that they’re more complicated & intricate, meaning they have more possibilities of being not just GOOD but also DIFFICULT. Interweaving desires, gifts, locations, social community & situations….they all come together in some great purpose that I don’t understand. It probably won’t make sense to me either….until it’s done.

But sometimes, it’s like…you pray for something, and then when that prayer is answered, but not the way you wanted it to be, it’s like DARN! I didn’t want THAT. …like when in NY I prayed for humility….and left in a really bad way, that made me say…. “yep, I don’t always know what’s right.” And now, I’m praying for God to use me….and then get a door shut in one area, and realize that He probably saying… “I want to use you HERE, not THERE.” Sick. It makes me sad, …and I think that’s okay. I can be sad for a bit, as long as I hold on to the understanding that I can’t give up. Now, it just means that I need to renew my focus of trying to bless people in every situation….whether the circumstances are happy or sad. Nothing can be better than what God has for us…yet there are probably some things that would be more fun. Until then…I’ll just keep trusting that I’m here for a purpose….

To wrap up, here’s a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

Staying in

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So when you have a blank slate of a day, no pressing engagements, rushed appointments or fast approaching deadlines, what do you do? Do you stay home? Go out? Call a friend or just sit quiet? Do you try to hide from the world, keeping to your own schedule or do you open yourself up to take on new responsibilities or tasks?

People have often told me….I did this thing, so that I didn’t have to just sit home alone. I guess the option is: stay home or do something? Often times, I’d prefer to stay home….it’s rare that I get time to just do things I’d like to do, or spend the afternoon in pj’s reading on the couch, so if I get the chance, I’ll take it. And yet sometimes, I’ll fill it with so much “stuff” that at the end of the day, I feel like another day off is needed, just to recover! Ha. I’m sure you know what I mean.

And what about when you know an old friend will be at your old favorite spot, and you’re not sure if they’d REALLY like to see you, but you’d REALLY like to run into them, and so…..there’s the choice: do you go or not? I guess it’s kinda like staying home…..do you stay home & control what’s going to happen, or do you go, opening yourself up to something that could happen either good or not so much? What does this have more to do with? Honesty with yourself? Courage in social graces? Boldness in breaking old boundaries? Curiousity in the unknown?

Too many times I trust in my own imaginings of the future situations, to trust that whatever God desires in that situation will happen. Contrary to my own occasional belief, my mind is NOT all knowing, or powerful enough to manipulate a situation into the way I’d hope it to go. Hm. I guess it’s just a reminder that…..whether it’s my day off, or an unknown situation, to just trust God in opening myself up to what He may have for an agenda. It might be a whole day “off” but it may just be a good time to be “at work” for God!?