I had a whole other blog written out for this update, but sometimes things happen to  compel me to change what I share.

This week has been another tough one, but yesterday I was truly humbled by one of the mom’s here at the care-home. Since I can remember, I’ve had pain in my back that flares up from time to time, and this week it has been very bad. Probably enflamed because of the many times I physically had to carry Hudson into his room when he was defying me. At the end of the night yesterday, the mom who we will know as Heidi, was walking back to the home with me, and I told her my hope to lay down for a bit for my back to relax. She asked me, “You want massage?” I had heard that some of the mom’s used to do “spa” nights on a regular basis, so I agreed to an exchange. Afterward, she saw my feet (which also have been very dry for years) and within a minute she disappeared into her room returning with a very special cream, saying “I give to you,” and then “I put on your feet.” I shrugged the proposal and not wanting anyone to have to touch my feet, responded no, no, no…I can put it on myself. She then looked at me very seriously and confidently said, “No. No, I do. Just like Jesus!”

A humiliated breath exited my m
outh.

I stopped my protests, and accepted the gift being offered. Here she was offering something special of hers, because she wanted to bless me. Who was I to stop her from doing something that would bring her joy? It took everything within me to not jump out of my skin in embarrassment when she took my foot in her hands, but she massaged my dry feet with her lotion and it was wonderful. My feet look brand new. It was one of the most humbling gifts someone could have offered me.

Even though she has shared just a little with me, this is a woman who has had a very difficult life, and is currently trying to raise her daughter the best way she can. She is trying to live a life following Christ an
d this was something she felt was a way to do as He would have done.

I was then reminded of the verse I’ve been studying this week, Luke 22:27 where Jesus says to his disciples that He has come as one who serves. He came as a servant! God in the flesh, came to serve us?? How could this be!? We should be humbled and falling at His feet and yet he says that He came to serve, and show us how to serve. What a great God we serve!

Please keep praying for us. Hudson has been both a terror and a joy this week in his stubbornness. He blessed me also this week with a few seemingly random hugs. The first one seriously made my jaw drop open. There are glimpses. Glimmers of hope. It’s there. It’s going to take a while, but God is faithful to us, and throughout my day I am trying, trying, trying to be faithful to Him and bring these things to the Lord. He is the ONLY one who can make any real progress. Both in the kids AND in my own prideful heart.

I also was blessed to be able to take a walk to this tree I’ve been looking at for a few weeks. The sun was just perfect, so I took this photo and added the verse for a friends’ birthday who needed to remember God’s faithfulness to her. We all need this!

I think there was a famous sermon once that was titled something like… “Friday is here, but Sunday’s coming!” That’s how I feel today, this Sunday morning. Like finally Sunday has arrived! The sun streaming through my windows brings fresh promise, and the chill in the air brings an un-welcomed promise of colder weather soon approaching.

This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions and unreal situations. One moment we three were baking chocolate chip cookies, the next moment we hear the kids might be taken away with their Mom and her boyfriend/alleged pimp to a foreign country, one moment flying kites in the backyard, the next pulling my arm out of a five year olds mouth when she was trying to bite me. Ups and downs. This is normal for everyone I guess, but maybe not the kids being taken away. That was new.

Apparently, as far as I can understand, Child Protection Services (CPS) works very different here than in the States. A court can remove children from the parents if they believe their circumstances are unsatisfactory or unsafe, but the parents still maintain some rights like visitation and such. The odd thing is, that even if kids are taken away by a court order, the parents can request to regain custody, and often it is granted even before an investigation is complete. The reasoning behind this, is that all foster/abandoned children are in the system with the hopes of being reintegrated within the family, so they will blindly give back custody in hopes that this will lead to long-term reintegration.

One of the dangers here, is that in the case of these two, the Mom has been lured into a relationship that seems more like a human trafficking case. The man keeps promising to marry her, buy her a house, get the kids back, whatever…..but first she has to do: this, this, this and this. It will never happen. We as a staff, came together and prayed about this situation together, as the favor of God needed to fall on these children to protect them….this protection would only come from Him, there was nothing we could physically do.

When the kids came home, I can’t lie that I was a little numb and didn’t know what to say to them. Did they understand what was happening behind the scenes? Did they understand the dangerous situation they could again find themselves in? Did they want to go or did they want to stay here? All these questions.

A few hours later, I heard the news that they were safe for now, and would remain in our custody. Relief doesn’t come close to the feeling that washed over me. I took the children upstairs where we read, and told them I had some news for them before we did anything else. I told them that I didn’t know if they would be happy or sad about this news, but that they were going to stay here at this house. Cheers erupted from both of them, with raised hands in praise! Wow. Not quite the reaction I expected, since all day they told me about all the great things their Mom gave them and how pretty she was, etc. After they knew they were safe, they then expressed just how bad they thought her boyfriend was, and what they’d want to do to him if they had the chance. Cook him. That’s what they’d do. Cook him on a stove. Neat.

From what I’m hearing, this type of plea for custody is more of a normal happening than I would like to believe. But it is reality. For now the kids are safe, and even when they’re kicking, biting, screaming, telling me to go away, God reminds me that they are here and they are safe, and they are being cared for and that is what He wants.

God is so patient with us. He puts up with my kicking and screaming at times, the moments I really don’t want to submit to His desires, the moments I would rather do my own thing, the moments I want to just lose my temper…..and He is patient and calm to consistently be faithful to me, reminding me of the cross, reminding me of His sacrifice, reminding me of all that He has blessed me with and walked me through and urging me to stay faithful through the tough days too.

This week I read about the early church martyrs of the 2nd and 3rd centuries, and a few thoughts still cling to my thoughts and heart… “The early martyrs believed that if Jesus is Lord and the only Savior, then he accepts no rivals–no person or religion or ideology or empire. They affirmed that the Christian faith requires nothing less than a firm and joyful commitment to this conviction. Jesus came as God in human flesh to show the way to God and to be the way to God for us. This is the only Jesus there is.”

We may not be faced with death for our faith, but we are certainly faced with a choice each and every day to die to ourselves and to live for Christ or to put something else in His rightful place.

“We will never be able to love, pray, think, feel, work, meditate, fast or even die our way into a deeper spiritual life if we rely on human effort or clever schemes alone. There is nothing we can do–nothing we have to do–to find a way to God, because in Jesus Christ God has already made his way to us.”

As some of these martyr’s Sunday approached, the dawn of a new life apart from this physical world, their countenance was victorious rather than defeated….leaving family, child, status and life behind, one account of a young mother Perpetua says this: “The day of their victory dawned, and they marched from the prison to the amphitheater joyfully as though they were going to heaven, with calm faces, trembling, if at all, with joy rather than fear.”

Trembling with JOY rather than fear. That’s how we all should live. That’s how I want to live. Undaunted. Not fearfully waking on Sunday morning but trembling with Joy that Christ has given me one more day to live with His love.

Ephesians 5:1 Imitate God therefore in everything you do. Because you are His dear children. Live your life filled with His love….

Yesterday was bad. Before 10am, I was holding a screaming, kicking, flailing, crying, very unhappy little girl. By 11am I had a calm, happy, apologetic little girl clinging onto my neck unwilling to let me go. About 12pm I was on the sidewalk with the same little girl, screaming so loudly that the neighbors (who live behind 9’ metal gates) came out to see what all the noise was about. I’m sure they thought some innocent child was being tortured……that was hardly the case. Amidst ramping up of screams, I quietly suggested “Uita, Uita” (look, look) and the second she saw the peering neighbors, she was so embarrassed she stopped, got down on her own two feet, took my hand and we walked quietly back to the disrupted church service. By 2pm she was fine again, but this time she was holding someone else’s hand and giving me a look that shot arrows. At 7pm the screaming began again, this time accompanied by the sweet pouting of her older brother who protested he was the only child being asked to go to bed early because of school starting the next day. For about 15 minutes, I had one child screaming and the other laying flat on the stairs, unwilling to move. It was pleasant. 😐 Welcome to “motherhood” I guess.

Today was different.

I wondered all week about the time we were supposed to be at breakfast, and questioned why on earth we would have to be there by ten minutes to six if the children didn’t have to go to school until 7:40am! We got up wicked early, Camille put on the clothes she’d laid out the night before, we put a bow in her hair and filled her bottle with water. Hudson, though he’d picked out his clothes the night before as well, tried on probably five different shirts, two or three pairs of pants and had to comb his hair a few times before he got it just right. We opened the door to a black driveway, and three scroungy scary dogs, who serve the roaming fury pests a big dose of “stay out of here or we’ll eat you” each night. We snuggled close and proceeded to walk (or try) to walk past the dogs to the main house….but they were jumping all around us. Camille clung tight and Hudson complained they were dirtying his clothes. We turned around and realized we had been ready an HOUR too early. Yes. We were supposed to be at breakfast at ten to seven, not six. (Time-warp back to when I was in grade school, this happened the first day of school many times. I would be completely ready and realize I’d been up an hour too early because I was so nervous. Apparently old habits don’t die easily.) One thing to note about school today, is that the public school opened with an outdoor service of the Roman Orthodox priest waving incense and chanting (most of which I did not understand) in a long black robe and gold sash around his neck. It was a pretty interesting cultural experience. If I wasn’t sure that it would be offensive, I would have gotten video.

We walked home, and almost as soon as we arrived, the screaming began again and I thought, “here we go again….” but soon after, something changed……

Most of the week, after she’d thrown a fit, she would hug me then run to another lady and be with her and shrug me off like I was a disease. It really hurt my heart to see this. It was clearly an intentional slap in the face, but what was I to do? But today, after a short tantrum, she not only kept close to me the rest of the day, but continued to come back and ask me to play with her. She wanted to teach me how to jump rope, wanted to show me books she liked, wanted me to help her with her food, wanted me to hold her on my lap and swing her around the yard, not letting any other little girl near me if they tried and then asked me to push her high on the swing. Her sweet little voice cried “Tare, tare!” and up she went, higher and higher I pushed her, until she was over my head and nearly out of reach. For the little girl who the day before wanted nothing to do with me, I was not about to let her hopes of a high ride down. Before long, she began to sing. At first I didn’t recognize the words and then they became clear, “I want to sing, sing, sing, I want to dance, dance, dance, I want to sing, I want to dance, PRAISE THE LORD!!!” Louder and louder she sang, as the higher she soared. I nearly cried it was so beautiful. From such terror yesterday to such joy today.

Tonight we read books together while Camille snuggled on my lap and flipped the pages and Hudson brushed my hair. Then we pulled out our new “Thanksgiving Journal,” which is our nightly ritual of writing down one thing each that we are thankful for from the day. We prayed quietly together and now the day has come to a close.

Though I’m sure we will have more difficult days ahead, I am so grateful for today. One thing I’ve been learning and trying to practice more of, is intentional prayer when these tantrums (and joys) happen throughout the day. When you have a screaming child in your arms, the first thing that comes to mind is “AHHHHH why can’t they just understand!?” but sooner and sooner each time my heart has been reminded to pray quietly but out loud through the day…..pray for calm, pray for the Spirit of God to come over her, pray for wisdom, pray for patience, pray for understanding, and everything else you need to be right for that moment of that child’s life. A few nights ago, Camille couldn’t sleep. I was about to head downstairs to pray, so I asked if she wanted to come, “YES!” she exclaimed, jumped up in my arms and we headed downstairs. She snuggled in close and was very quiet while I spoke my prayers over the house, over our friends, for our protection, for grace and for our families. Two days later, just spending time in the house, she was upset about something and instead of losing it, she took my hand and said, “Want to pray. Want to pray.” ….and HOW in the WORLD could I resist that invitation?

What is God inviting you into today?

*Due to the sensitivity of the situations involved, the children’s names have been changed.*

Today, I was driven to my new home in a little European car, my bags were delivered to the driveway and before I knew it, I was standing on a dirt driveway–alone, in front of a big gate outside the house I knew was to be mine. Soon I heard a child’s voice and a door opened with a broom sweeping dust from the house. A familiar face.

Minutes passed and soon Doug (one of the founders of River of Life Care Home) came out to greet me. Roberta was out buying last minute things for the house and I had arrived early. I got a tour of the house, brought my bags up to my cute little room, and followed Doug outside to get a house key.

As I’m standing in the barn, I hear children’s voices and look up to see curious eyes coming from behind the fence, a boy who was familiar only from pictures. Upon making eye-contact, he stood and smiled, slightly waved and ran back inside with the other kids.

Inside the children and other Moms started gathering, asking questions and looking curiously towards me. Another little girl with big brown eyes looked up at me questioningly, and when someone said “Camille, go give her a hug,” there was no more hesitation. She ran towards me unhindered and her arms wrapped tight around me. Hudson continued to stare at me from the comfort of a comfy chair across the room.

The next hour I went back to the house, started to unpack my un-missionary-like amount of luggage, and got to spend a little time with Doug and Roberta who had just arrived. The kids were so anxious to move into the house that soon after, I was in their room shoving clothes into laundry baskets so we could move them into their own rooms after a full year of waiting in transition.

From only about 6 hours of interaction, the two kids that moved in tonight are as follows: Camille is five, spunky, wide-eyed and curious about everything. She has a very short attention span, but so do I when I move into a brand new house! She is sweet and cuddly. While we were walking between the care home and ours, she grabbed my hand tight and before I knew it called me Mom. Her older brother Hudson is eight, about to enter the second (equivalent to our third) grade. He is handy with fixing things, orderly, initially shy but a “get to business” kind of kid, protective, helpful and likes dogs. He is already helping me improve my Romanian. An hour or so after we began moving things over to the new house, Camille’s room had everything strewn all over the floor while Hudson had things put away according to seasons and separated his “home” clothes from his “school” clothes. His floor is immaculately clean.

We had dinner with the rest of the moms and their kids, and all helped clean up afterwards before going back to the house to play games together.

After one game, we took a short walk around the village and then had some kids over to the house to see how everything was coming along. All of the little girls ended up finding my shoes and paraded around the house proudly in heels. After a bit, the kids went home and the two kids here took baths before we settling down with a few good books to read.

The edge of the village. Hudson is leading me in the blue.

Then we began what I hope will become a great nightly habit. I brought out a new journal a good friend gave me, and asked the kids “what was one thing from today they want to thank God for.” Hudson didn’t hesitate and said “Having you here.” ……to say I was humbled and basically in tears (but not literally) would be an understatement. Camille had to think of something else, so she said that she was glad we could be in a new home all together. I was thankful for finally being with these two precious children. We dated the entry, wrote them down in Romanian (and English) and then each prayed together. It was so special and sweet. I’m sure there are going to be days along this journey that one of us or none of us can think of one thing we’re thankful for, but this will be a good practice to do together.

Camille is on the far left.

The kids are now asleep in their beds, and I only had to put Camille back in bed about 12 times so far. Parents–teach me your ways! 🙂 I will describe the house and include pictures on that soon enough. For now, enjoy a few highlights of my day through photos…and please write!!

Hey friends, I wanted to send a quick update, and also ask you a few questions.

1. Yes, I did find someone who wants to purchase my house and hoping to close August 28th!
2. Yes, I am still in MN until then and looking to leave for Romania on September 2nd!
3. Yes, I do still need financial support, but thanks to so many of you, the gap is closing quickly!

I’ve been so blessed by many of you, meeting up for coffee, dinner, taking a walk or just calling to tell me that you’ve been praying for me. This journey is not one I can take alone, so thank you for being such a huge support along the way. You’ve also been so gracious to open your home to me during this transition time.

Most recently, I’ve been staying with a family and this whole week, I’ve had so much joy, remembering what it’s like to be part of a house where there’s fun and joy and laughter and people who pray and talk and share meals together and can just sit together an enjoy each others’ company. Some days this summer I’ve wanted nothing more than to just sit by myself, in a quiet house, and think about all that is about to happen……and yet in that, I find that I’m longing for the fellowship of others, to hear what God has been doing in THEIR lives, to just be around other people and to be reminded of the family of God that is around us and the new family that I’ll be stepping into.

I don’t know if any of that makes sense to you, but it’s been so life-giving to be here. Surrounded by family, both blood-related and not, and know that God is bringing us all together for a great purpose here on earth.

Here’s an updated video to tell you more about my current financial need!

Let’s go to Romania! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctGo60YWqaA

QUESTIONS—What are the things you’re most curious about when you think about Romania or what I’ll be doing? I want to answer those questions, so put them in the comments below!