Category: Christian Life

Black & Blu but NEW

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We’ve all seen way too much
But we can’t look away from the sun
A silhouette was burned in our minds
It’s gonna take so much time
To forget what we’ve seen, who we met, where we been

So thinking about the past year, the good the bad, the ugly & yet awkwardly beautiful, these lyrics describe it greatly. They talk about how we all get beat up & bruised, and that it’s going to take a lot to get all the pain & “stuff” off of our lives.

Starting this year fresh, hopefully it will be a year of….who knows what. Hopefully nothing like this year, but yet hopefully a lot of growing too, learning & adventure!

There will always be time to lick my wounds, put steak on my eye & cry more….but there will not always be time to live here, with you & share how God has blessed me. Help me in my prayer that whatever happens this year, that we will have confidence in Christ’s direction & will for our lives. That He will be glorified in what we do & that if we are asked to take a new step forward….that we will.

Get away, Get deep

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‘A vacation is what I need to get away, to escape, to heal.’ At least that’s what I unconsciously told myself, convincing my heart that this time away would bring me the peace that I so desperately sought. Naively I believed myself, and didn’t think one thing about it not being even 1 percent truth.

It was just about two weeks ago that I remembered a deep truth in my heart…that my life situations are what they are, yet only I have the choice in whether I live in them or truly live because of them. Living not in depth of despair, but out of the depths into the light of our Heavenly Father. Taking those changes & seeing where God wants me to go with them. Joy has always been something that God has blessed me with, and it has been so obvious through past hardships, but in the last few months I viciously pushed it away…I really just didn’t WANT to be joyful, or happy. ‘I’ll be happy when I go to Ireland, that’ll make me happy. I’ll change then, just not now.’

It was only a few days ago that I subtly realized this, and realized that my renewed joy was from the refreshing rediscovery of the fact that it is not a new land that will give me peace, not a new surrounding, not new pictures or meeting new people. Peace would not come from getting away, from writing for days or reading a new book in a far off place, far away from the troubles of this world….no, peace came from the One who is the author & perfecter of our peace. It is the JOY that He alone can bring to my heart. Only through Him will I be able to find sustenance to bring me through another day, hopefully more after that too.

It was then that I pondered, ‘Where IS my hope? is it in this “trip” that I’m heading out on, or is it in Christ?’ I had to admit that most of my faith was that Ireland would be the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow….the promise after the rain. However, it will not be that for me, for I have found my joy…the rainbow that God gave me when He adopted me.

Ireland will not be a place that will bring me peace, but a land that will hopefully give me space to feel & meet God in a new way that I wouldn’t before. For it is ONLY in him that I can rest.

Defining Moments

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The thought occurred to me today to think about those defining moments in my life, when something has shifted inside of me to make my view of life or of myself change. I immediately thought about the moments that huge surprises come upon us, and we are thrown into a time or moment of shock….or maybe awe. But is it really in that same moment that we change? You might argue with me (and not get too much fight from me) that it is in that moment that some things may change, or rather we may realize at that moment that things will be essentially different, but realizing situations or life will be different doesn’t necessarily equal a defining moment.

For something to define you, I believe it takes insight, circumstantial change & inner rearranging both in thought & actions. Let’s take Black Thursday for example. That was a horrible day & incidents that changed many people’s lives. But….let’s think. Was it in those moments that people were changed? Or was it in the weeks – months to follow that they were changed? I would argue that it is in the small moments, the ones we barely notice, where we grow the most & where the rest of our lives are defined. It is in the small, quiet moments that reality meets our dreams & the two collide to make a new vision.

It is in those moments where you realize you have to choose to either dwell in the shock of your circumstance of grasp the truth that you hold inside & move forward in a new or redefined direction. Using the knowledge you’ve gained to cast light on your path. You have to choose to look ahead, not forgetting the past but using it. What you do after those startling days, will define who you are. It will show who the real you is and what you’re capable of. For it should not be the circumstances around us that shape who we are, but the change within us that defines our life.

I know…

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“I do not know what lies ahead, the way I cannot see; Yet One stands near to be my guide, He’ll show the way to me. I do not know how many days of life are mine to spend; But One who knows and cares for me will keep me to the end. I do not know the course ahead, what joys and griefs are there; But One is near who fully knows, I’ll trust his loving care.

“I know who holds the future and I know He holds my hand. With God things don’t just happen, everything by Him is planned; So as I face tomorrow with it’s problems large and small, I’ll trust the God of miracles, give to Him my all.”

This is a song by Alfred B. Smith and E. C. titled “I Know Who Holds the Future,” which I just found tonight while playing old old “Singspiration” music on the piano. The words & truth behind those words brought me comfort & I thought I might share that with you.

“This week has brought me down a path of darkness & decay. But lately I’ve been feeling that it might just go away. This evening I laughed, I cried & I prayed, all for different things. And then I thought a simple minded joyful heart also prays & sings! The joy tonight I feel inside, deep deep within. And laughter fills my every thought, knowing I’m cleansed of sin.” —me.

Run in Freedom

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This morning, I woke up to the beautiful rat-tat-tatting of rain on my windows, giving me a good reason to wake up & take my barefoot self outside on the deck to enjoy the morning. There is not much like the scent of rain in the early blue-dark morning. This morning, I brought with my Bible to read….before I put it away, I looked in my journal and found a Psalm that I had written about a year ago! As I read the section, something new splashed out…see if it does that for you too: “I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart free.” (Psalm 119: 32) I RUN….this caught my eye. So often I look at things that Christians do or how we feel our life should be lived, and I see it as stepping on eggshells, don’t step too hard, too fast, to far away, too much of ANYTHING. Be careful when this happens, watch out when you see this…so many warnings it feels like everything is under constant scrutiny. But this describes our “walk” as a RUN! When I read this, I pictured someone running with all their heart, not having an end, just endlessly running with passion. No where near eggshells.

Just a thought for your day.