Just thought I’d share today. This weekend, I went & visited a friend. I was all alone when I got there. It was peaceful, the breeze was slightly blowing & the smell of the sun drifted around me. As I sat down on the grass beside her, I started to cry. Not harsh tears, but silent & slow raindrops from within my soul. You see, my friend wasn’t really there….just the shell, but I had a conversation despite the fact I was physically alone. It was one of the best conversations I had…and I joked that I probably spoke more in that conversation than I ever had with her! š It’s just a little thing, but sometimes voicing things out loud, saying what you need to say and doing it in the stillness of the setting afternoon, can cause you to release some of your loneliness, some of your grief. It’s not like I’ll hear a response, it’s not like I’ll get any opinions or feedback, but just saying stuff really felt good. I wish I could have this freedom with all of my friends, when they’re still alive.
Category: Grief
Be Still
Getting on with life is hard to do if you keep yourself busy. This is something I am very good at…keeping busy. Sometimes it is an effect of too much caffeine. Sometimes it is the effect of being a perfectionist. Sometimes it is an effect of too much grief.
āBe still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.ā (Psalm 46:10)
But I canāt be still, I keep moving, keep turning, keep looking, keep mourning, keep doing WHATEVER it is that puts itself in front of me to do, so that I donāt have to look to my right or left & watch my life unfold before my eyes.
But I donāt want to be still, I donāt want to sit down, stop talking, quit moving, leave my work unfinished so that I can take time to ponder what is happening around me.
I am afraid to be still, to quiet myself before His feet & weep uncontrollably for the anguish I feel. It scares me to become vulnerable and open, letting my true heart unravel in His hands so that He can restore it in a new way, a whole way, a complete way, that is mended by Him alone. Brokenness is not something I desire, not something I always strive for, but something my heart is aching for.
Can I be still & know that He is God? Listen to the words of a precious hymn that has given me perspective in other difficult times. Maybe it will touch you also.
Speak Lord in the stillness, While I wait on Thee;
Hushed my heart to listen In expectancy.
Speak, O blessed Master, In this quiet hour;
Let me see Thy face, Lord, Feel Thy touch of power.
For the words Thou speakest, “They are life, indeed;
Living bread from heaven, Now my spirit feed.”
All to Thee is yielded, I am not my own;
Blissful, glad surrender- I am Thine alone.
One More Day
Life, as strange & bitter as it is, never ceases to surprise me with new & harsh feelings. The cruel end of world, life & death, beginnings & the endā¦.they shock & rattle the depths of my soul. Searching for the light that guides me, the peace that only Christ can provide, the joy that is my hope, the comfort that I can only sometimes feelā¦.God is here, in a new perspective. While I grieve, and cry, yearn & acheā¦..He watches me. The Lord is my hope; He is my strength when I have none. I am confident & comforted in knowing that when I do not understand the emotions of my heart or the ache of my heart, or how I am supposed to go on, He knows the depth of my soul. Christ has met me there; He is there right now, in my future, in our futureā¦.. Pain and life consume every waking movement, each moment that I am here. Knowing that there is a future for me, He is the one who gives purpose, who calls us each to our own end. Though the pain is present, the hope is healing. Iām trying not to be overrun by the grief, but encouraged to live my life in a new way, a better way, a more vibrant wayā¦.a way that Christ would ask from me. A life that will give, love, share, encourage, rejoice & LIVE to the fullest extent of Christās love as humanly possible.
Undaunted 